ANGSTROM @ DIARYLAND . COM

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i didn't think that i'd hate January this much

besides it being my mom's birthday this month, i have loathed this month. not much good has happened. i'm not enjoying work as much as i once did, i am not having as much patience with my co-workers as much as i used to, and not even the sunny or cloudy days make me happy anymore. i fessed up to my daughter about my "depression" and that's as much as i could muster. so hard i have tried telling her and my brother Ricky what other is going on with me, but i can't. i find myself daydreaming more and more and it's so stupid. thousands of scenarios go on in my head and not even they take me away anymore.. just killing time. i am trying to give up on Thomas. my mind is winning the battle, my heart is just trying to catch up. there is another guy named Frank.. but he's too far out there to even mention much.. and Andrew emailed me today. i don't know what to think about him. Jess's insurance will be in effect starting 02/01/07 since i appealed their decision to terminate her based on their fucking negligance and stupidity. my birthday is next month and i am scared. never have i been scared of a birthday before. and i know i will particularly hate this Valentine's day too. shit. just seven more treatments to go...

2:33 pm - 2007-01-28

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